Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Mrs. Bagwell
Sassy Mrs. Bagwell wants to help me get my funds from The United Nations. She had no idea, The Firewalker is no victim. Here is what we are working with:
From: compensation@blumail.org
Subject: RE: IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL SCAMMED VICTIMS (UNITED NATIONS PROGRAM)
Dear Friend,
I am Mrs. Sarah Bagwell. I am a US citizen and i am 64 years Old. I reside in Dripping Springs, Texas and I am one of those that took part in the United Nations Compensation program in United Kingdom many years ago and they refused to pay me. I had paid over $21,500 while in the US, trying to get my payment but all was to no avail.So I decided to travel down to United Kingdom with all my compensation documents and I was directed to meet Justice Musa Williams,who is the member of DEBT RECONCILIATION COMMITTEE,and i contacted him and he explained everything to me.
He said who ever is contacting us through emails are fake. He also took me to the paying bank (PERMATA BANK PLC In UK) for the claim of my compensation payment.Right now, i am the happiest woman on earth because I have received my compensation funds of 700,000.00(Seven Hundred Thousand Great Britain Pounds) more over,Justice Musa Williams showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and i saw your email as one of
the beneficiaries who have not yet received the payment under CASE FILE 54AC003 and that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people. They are not with your fund, they are only making money off you.
Therefore.When you reply to this email i will lead you to contact an Attorney that will lead you through receiving your fund.
UNITED NATIONS COMPENSATION AWARD PROGRAM.
You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your fund is with them because it is not with them.They are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing.
The only money i would have paid after i met Barrister Musa Williams was if i had been unable to come down to United Kingdom to handle the legal rights myself, which is only normal and legitimate as it is in all foreign transactions in the world. So please take note of that. Mr Musa Williams shall ensure that you deal directly with the bank(UNITED PERMATA BANK PLC In UK).
Once again stop contacting those people. I advise that you contact Barrister Musa Williams so that he can help you in the collection of your transfer payment instead of dealing with those liars that will be turning you around asking for different kind of money to complete your transaction.
Thank you and be blessed.
Mrs. Sarah Bagwell
---
Of course, I had to reply to this nonsense.
Dearest Mrs. Bagwell,
I am overjoyed to have received your email, so full of lust and tenacity. To have gone to such great lengths to retrieve your money, a flight over the seas, is most admirable. People are often fake are they not? Fake like a breast in Los Angeles or fake like the cheese that Papa John puts on that pizza. Better ingredients they say? I say not. I prefer Pizza Hut but everyone knows they are loaded with MSG. I could crap out my colon and gift wrap it for you to solidify our friendship. How would that be? It's red with blue racing stripes and if you shake it it plays, "Jessie's Girl." Please let me know the details of your arrangements.
Sincerely,
The Firewalker
---
Apparently, Mrs. Bagwell was quite taken with the idea of a musical colon. She gave this response:
Dear,
Firstly i will like to thank you for responding back to my email and also i will want you to understand that i know how you feel, i have also been a scammed victim before and i do understand how it feels for someone to lost all he/she has. been gone through your email, you need to be aware that you will not have been contacted if your name did not appear as a scammed victim in our database but here now you have received a notification for you to come and receive your compensation funds from the United Nations.
My friend,in this world there are alot of bad people and if you do give them a chance they will let you loose all you have laboured for but sometimes in our life we need to let the past go so that the present can bring something good to our future. as a scam victim too, i will not have secured this opportunity if i did not let go of what have happened to me,now here i am working with the United Nations and i have also received my own compensation before i was called to come and work with them.i hope my explanation is clear to you. i will like you to get back to me and let me know if you are ready to received your compensation fund yet or not. have a very nice weekend.
Thanks
Mrs. Sarah Bagwell
---
It was a busy week, I didn't get to respond to my new friend, Mrs. Bagwell fast enough. She sent this email to see what I was up to:
Dear,
How are you doing today.i hope you are alright.i write to you this minute to find out if you are still interested in receiving your compensation fund as instructed by the United Nations Committee.i request a quick response from you to know if you are still interested to receive your compensation fund or not because this program is about to end within next week.i anxiously wait to receive your response.
Thanks
Mrs. Sarah Bagwell
---
So, now her persistence and lack of capitalization have me really excited. I sent this back to her:
Mrs. Bagwell,
Excitement rips through me like Viagra at Christmas! I feel sparkly, and twinkly, and strong. Maybe you can wear the Santa hat, naughty. You send me your emails full of audacity and charm, sass and spunk. My pole salutes your candor! It is maximized. The kitchen is hot during the holidays, hot from baking cookies, hot like you.
I think I will take your advice and visit the UK. But, I''m thinking not the present day as we know it. There are worm holes in outer space that can not only take us from one point in the universe to another, but other points in time. The most thing intriguing is, I don't believe I would be stuck within the context of my own lifeline. I'm thinking I could visit any point in the history of the universe!
This all goes with what you're saying. We do have to let the past be the past, but what if we could visit it, change it? Like the time I ate 43 Chilitos at Taco Bell, regrettable. The gas was enough to power a starship and the goats of miniature stature enacted laws banning Chilitos in several galaxies.
Such monies as you offer we once had when the economy was good. The Intergalactic George Bush recession is still wrapping it's slimy fingers around us, and not in the way Rush Limbaugh would like.
To be honest, we were doing ok. Our space station outside the Red Nebula likes us well. The french fry trees, the green women in bikinis, and William Shatner up to his usual tricks if you know what I mean! You do Mrs Bagwell, in your naughty cookie kitchen. We had placed our usual order for provisions to be delivered as we do every cycle. They have not arrived. This could mean only one thing, space pirates! We believe them to be led by Dick Cheney, who after raping so much of the Earth, has moved off world.
So, in short, I am ready to receive my compensation!
What must be done?
Sincerely yours,
The Firewalker
Chief Medicine Worker of The Generation of New Power and devotee to the timeless infinite Guru known as William Shatner.
I got no further responses from Mrs. Bagwell. Farewell, my love. :(
Thursday, January 28, 2010
He wants to deposit 56 million dollars in my bank account!
I think this may be my favorite so far because it got Michael so angry. Keep in mind, if your going to spam me, I'm going to spam you back.
From: mhoward2010@latinmail.com
Subject: Dear brethren
Hello
First, I want to introduce myself as Barrister Michael Howard. I am the personal attorney of the Late Roger Wright the CEO of Arsenal Investimentos whom died in a plane crash on the 22nd May 2009. I don't know if you've heard of the news but you can check the links below to confirm it:
REUTERS:http://www.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idUSTRE54M1PT20090523
ARTICLES:http://article.wn.com/view/2009/05/24/Brazil_plane_crash_kills_10_family_membe
rs/
CNN:http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/05/23/brazil.crash/
MIRROR:http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/05/25/plane-crash-kills-family-115875-21387147/
Now, I want to know if I can confide in you for the success of this proposal which I am about to make. I've been a personal attorney and confidant of the late Roger Wright whom died in the plane crash. I wish to let you know that he has a huge sum of money which he deposited with a Security company in Spain before he died and as a matter of fact, his child whom was the next of kin to these funds also died in the same plane with him and now there's no one to lay claims to this funds.
The amount in question is the sum of $56,000,000 (Fifty six million dollars).I will like to know if I can confide in you so that we can transfer this money into your private account successfully without raising eye brows of which there after I will come over to meet with you for disbursement.
I am telling you this in confidence and I will like you to keep this to yourself. All I need is your maximum co-operation in this and I will like us to do this jointly so that we can seal this deal in less than 10 working days.
I look forward to your response there after I will give you more details.
Looking forward to your response
Barrister Michael Howard
---
My Re-Spam to Michael:
Greetings Mr Barrister Michael Howard,
I am known as the Firewalker, Chief Medicine Worker of The Generation of New Power. It is with light and love that I greet you today. My heart mourns at the loss of our great friend Roger Wright. It seems only yesterday he and I surfed the seas of ravioli together and harvested jelly donuts from the garden in Elton John's navel. Let me know what I can do to help.
Sincerely,
The Firewalker
---
Michael, not at all put off by ravioli and jelly donuts, sent this reply: (you'll notice he's using a different email address and has changed his subject header)
Subject: Re: Thanks for your response.
From: mhowmichael@aol.com
Thanks for your response. I will be obliged to give you more details regarding this transaction, so if you don't mind, do provide me with a dedicated telephone number where you can be reached, so as to have me call you for further details or better still give me a call at +447522310472.
I look forward to your response
Best regards,
Barrister. Michael Howard
---
So, it's on! Here's your Re-Spam:
Hi Michael,
We greet you again in friendship. My telephone was never really dedicated so I had to let it go. Really, who has time for a telephone number that's always messing around? Lately, we communicate almost completely by telepathy. So, what I'm asking is for you to repeat this mantra: "Oh to my Firewalker, pimpest of pimp, here me now." Just keep repeating that over and over again until you either hear me talking to you or you poop yourself. The talking will be more of a mind to mind connection. You'll hear me from inside your own head. That's how you'll know it's working. Or, you'll know you've pooped yourself by the lump in your pants, in which case you should give up and and eat more beans since they help raise your brain frequency. I'd stay away from black or red beans as they also increase flatulence and pooping and then we are back to where we started. Stick to the green ones.
How long do you think it will take until we receive the money? I want to buy a Ferrari and a ferret to ride around with me.
Peace,
The Firewalker
---
Michael sent this reply:
Go and f#$@ your mama, bloody champ!!
I could not have asked for more. (Sorry, I felt the need to censor that.)
From: mhoward2010@latinmail.com
Subject: Dear brethren
Hello
First, I want to introduce myself as Barrister Michael Howard. I am the personal attorney of the Late Roger Wright the CEO of Arsenal Investimentos whom died in a plane crash on the 22nd May 2009. I don't know if you've heard of the news but you can check the links below to confirm it:
REUTERS:http://www.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idUSTRE54M1PT20090523
ARTICLES:http://article.wn.com/view/2009/05/24/Brazil_plane_crash_kills_10_family_membe
rs/
CNN:http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/05/23/brazil.crash/
MIRROR:http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/05/25/plane-crash-kills-family-115875-21387147/
Now, I want to know if I can confide in you for the success of this proposal which I am about to make. I've been a personal attorney and confidant of the late Roger Wright whom died in the plane crash. I wish to let you know that he has a huge sum of money which he deposited with a Security company in Spain before he died and as a matter of fact, his child whom was the next of kin to these funds also died in the same plane with him and now there's no one to lay claims to this funds.
The amount in question is the sum of $56,000,000 (Fifty six million dollars).I will like to know if I can confide in you so that we can transfer this money into your private account successfully without raising eye brows of which there after I will come over to meet with you for disbursement.
I am telling you this in confidence and I will like you to keep this to yourself. All I need is your maximum co-operation in this and I will like us to do this jointly so that we can seal this deal in less than 10 working days.
I look forward to your response there after I will give you more details.
Looking forward to your response
Barrister Michael Howard
---
My Re-Spam to Michael:
Greetings Mr Barrister Michael Howard,
I am known as the Firewalker, Chief Medicine Worker of The Generation of New Power. It is with light and love that I greet you today. My heart mourns at the loss of our great friend Roger Wright. It seems only yesterday he and I surfed the seas of ravioli together and harvested jelly donuts from the garden in Elton John's navel. Let me know what I can do to help.
Sincerely,
The Firewalker
---
Michael, not at all put off by ravioli and jelly donuts, sent this reply: (you'll notice he's using a different email address and has changed his subject header)
Subject: Re: Thanks for your response.
From: mhowmichael@aol.com
Thanks for your response. I will be obliged to give you more details regarding this transaction, so if you don't mind, do provide me with a dedicated telephone number where you can be reached, so as to have me call you for further details or better still give me a call at +447522310472.
I look forward to your response
Best regards,
Barrister. Michael Howard
---
So, it's on! Here's your Re-Spam:
Hi Michael,
We greet you again in friendship. My telephone was never really dedicated so I had to let it go. Really, who has time for a telephone number that's always messing around? Lately, we communicate almost completely by telepathy. So, what I'm asking is for you to repeat this mantra: "Oh to my Firewalker, pimpest of pimp, here me now." Just keep repeating that over and over again until you either hear me talking to you or you poop yourself. The talking will be more of a mind to mind connection. You'll hear me from inside your own head. That's how you'll know it's working. Or, you'll know you've pooped yourself by the lump in your pants, in which case you should give up and and eat more beans since they help raise your brain frequency. I'd stay away from black or red beans as they also increase flatulence and pooping and then we are back to where we started. Stick to the green ones.
How long do you think it will take until we receive the money? I want to buy a Ferrari and a ferret to ride around with me.
Peace,
The Firewalker
---
Michael sent this reply:
Go and f#$@ your mama, bloody champ!!
I could not have asked for more. (Sorry, I felt the need to censor that.)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Chronicles of Miss Rose
This is one of the few Re-Spams that have been replied to. Miss Rose, thank you.
From: miss09rose@msn.com
Subject: Hello!!!
Hello!!!
MY Name is Miss. Rose I am 25 years old searching for a real friend that is trustworthy loving and caring .A friend who understand the real meaning of relationship as a trust in each other a mature man or woman that will be faithful to me and will understand that a real friendship does not count distance or colour after going through your contact on google search I took in interest on you so please i will like you to reply to me urgently so i will tell you more about my self and also send you my pictures, i will also like you to reply me back with my private email address below (misssamule01@sify.com)
Best Regard
Miss Rose
---
My Re-Spam to Miss Rose:
Hello Miss Rose,
You may call me the Firewalker. I am pleased to make your acquaintance. I understand the concept of real friendship. After all, I have been in communion with the Goats of Miniature Stature for many moons now. They have taught me much! It started with a mere interest in Canadian Bacon. But, that is a conversation for another time. And you, you must know of my history and of the sorcery performed at my hand. For only with this alchemy can the world truly heal.
Aurelius knows of your interest. I have advised him as such. What will you have of me? What service can be provided?
Distance is not important for we are prepared to teleport you here. Please cover your self in Crisco or another suitable vegetable oil to ease your progression through the Vortex. DO NOT USE SESAME OIL!!!!! It is far too flammable for such a voyage. If we were still on the planet Earth, and still taking intercontinentally, it would be more than sufficient. However, transfer to a dimension such as this requires something more. When we brought Paris Hilton, we used peanut oil. It worked swimmingly! However, the younger goats love peanuts and chased her around the temple as if she were a snack. She swears she will not ride the Vortex again but we all know she likes it. It's pink and smells like money and boys. But again, I digress.
Please let us know the details!
Light and love,
The Firewalker
---
Miss Roses' reply:
From: miss01rose@hotmail.fr
Subject: MORE ABOUT ME...................
Dearest In Heart Firewalker ,
I am good looking and caring ,I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart. My Name is Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones, 25yrs old female and I held from Kenya .
My father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya . The plane crashed on the Tuesday 10th, June,2008. You can read more about the crash through the below site:
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/06/10/kenya.crash/index.html
After the burial of my father, my stepmother Mrs,Biatrez and uncle conspired and sold my father's properties to an Italian Expertrate which the shared the money among themselves and live nothing for me.
One faithful morning, I opened my father's briefcase and found out the documents which he have deposited huge amount of money in one bank in Burkina Faso with my Name as the next of kin. I travelled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money for a better life so that I can take care of myself and start a new life, on my arrival, the Bank Director whom I met in person told me that my father's instruction to the bank is that the money would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee who will help me and invest the money overseas.
I am in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me and stand as my trustee so that I will present him to the Bank for transfer of the money to his bank account overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust. But rather take me as your own sister. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well I will say that my mind convinced me that you may be the true person to help me.
More so, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my stepmother has threatened to assonate me. The amount is( $7.3 USD )Million United State Dollars, and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso on my arrival, You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country. However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely.
Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it till i come over because I am afraid of my weaked stepmother who has threatened to kill me and have the money alone ,I thank God Today that am out from my country (KENYA) but am now In (Burkina Faso) where my father deposited these money and i have confirmed from the bank with the Documents i have at hand.
Sincerely yours,
Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones
---
Here is the pic Miss Rose sent me:
---
This is fun! Here's your Re-Spam:
To My Lovely Flower Miss Rose,
Caring and beautiful you are! Speak to me the words of lovers and free your self from the bonds of your sorrow for I am here! Know this, my Chocolate love. Come and melt upon me like Hershey goodness. Our love is a bond stronger than Fixodent.
We have already explained the progression of the teleportation to our current dimension of reality. We have also been very clear that presently we are off world. Are you interested in entering the vortex? Why have you stalled? We can not take you to America. Is a trip through the cosmos not sufficient to save you from your oppressors?
Today we began a project. We have decided to create the largest bean burrito that your universe has ever seen. It will be at least as big as Cleveland. The problem we encounter is flatulence. Can you imagine the amount of gas that would be released if everyone on the planet ate a bean burrito at once? I am worried, Aurelius of the Miniature Goats is worried, and Britney Spears is already farting. Are you getting this? It will cost a lot of money to provide everyone with BEANO!!!!! This is where you come in. You can help the suffering planet cut down on mass flatulance by paying for the Beano. After all, the ozone layer depends on it.
However, we foresee your contribution to be much more than 30%. What say you to this?
Your truest love,
Firewalker
PS.... When we wed, will I still be able to, "Date Around?" And, will you partake in the Sacred Spinach Ceremony?
PSS... Bring a swim suit.
---
I can't imagine why anyone would respond to this madness. But, she did.
From: miss01rose@hotmail.fr
Subject: So dear i need your informations.............
Dearest One ,
I have just received your email with lot's of excitement, because since when I sent the letter to you my heart has been over occupied with thoughts and fear if my situation will touch your heart to come for my rescue.
Firstly I am emailing you from the office of the Rev.Father in the refugees camp Christ De King Mission Camp, I told the Rev.Father Dennis about my communication with you and he permitted me to access my email in his office computer twice a day, Pls you can call me with the office number of the rev father +226 7832 6526 here in the refugees camp and ask of Ms.Rose Kipkalya Kones that stays in the female hostel room 12 when you will call me. life here in the Refugee camp is very difficult to me as we don’t have any good food here and no good water, i cannot eat three times a day.
I am really suffering here, it makes me cry each day and night when i look at my condition here, but i know that with you i will soon come out from this my present condition and have a new life with you there in your country, darling i am so excited to receive from you with the understanding, I have been in the bank for several times and i was informed by the Director of the bank Dr Karim Koffi that before this fund will be transferred i must have to present a trustee or a husband that will stand on my behalf before they can release the fund.
Darling I have already make up my mind to come over to your country since you have already decided to help me, even if you want me to come over before the transaction i will so much like it because i am suffering here, I pray that God will give you the courage and the heart to help me, remember to extend my greetings to your family.
About me: 1) I am Ms.Rose Kipkalya Kones 25 years old girl from (KENYA) my country, Concerning this transaction, I have the deposit certificate and the death registration certificate of my late, father which i have presented before the Bank manager and i am assuring you it is not going to bring any problem now or future you can as well call the Bank manager Dr Karim Koffi and confirmed from him too.
About my Education, darling I was admitted in the University in 2007 there I did my one year subject in accountancy before the Kenya crash in my country began, and i will like to continue as soon as i relocate to your country, because this is a promise i promise to my father, So dear i need your information which i will include in the letter of authorization so that you can send it to bank.
FULL NAME,
ADDRESS,
OCCUPATION,
YOUR AGE
AND A COPY OF YOUR ID OR PICTURE
I am waiting for this information so that i will send the letter to the bank, and pls remember that you should keep this only to yourself till the money has been transferred, I do not want anyone to know about it, you know that they are so many wicked people in the world, that they will see good thing coming to you and they will stop it, i am a living witness, so promise me that you will keep it to yourself so that the whole transfer will be OK. Don’t forget to send those information’s together with your picture to me in your next mail so that i will know who am trusting. Pls you can call me with the office number of the Rev Father Denies +226 78 41 75 12 here in the refugees camp and ask of Ms.Rose Kipkalya Kones that stays in the female hostel room 12 when you will call me, I wait your urgent mail with your information so that I will send you a letter for you to apply to the bank for the release and transfer of my late father’s deposit to your account.
Best regard.
Love always and forever and ever
Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones
---
So, I sent her this:
My luscious truffle,
Know that I've not forgotten you, even though it seems like a life time since my last communication. It's day 3 of universal burrito building, otherwise known as, "Socialized Burrito." We have taken taken up a temporary residence outside of the Red Nebula. The space station is amazing and is now under the direction of Senor Banana, Imperial Pontiff to the Intergalactic Fatherhood of Snazzy Pants. Lavish gardens fill the station and there are trees that grow french fries. French fries I say Miss Rose to you and your Chocolate loveliness! Although in your famished state, a tree growing french fries so many light years away is no consolation. Take heart, to your honor we drink the Merlot and prime the Vortex for your arrival, and play Scrabble.
Do you know what a French Fry is?
I can not call you by telephone. I am sorry. Senor Banana says the radiation from the stars is an interference to such signals. We can send email, as you can see, but phones are useless. Aurelius has suggested a mind to mind link. Aurelius can send a sort of telepathy from here to there. Do you have any miniature goats nearby? For they could receive his communications most readily.
Do you speak goat?
We must know, have you greased yourself with the oil?
Our instructions have been very clear. What kind of a wife will you make if you can't even follow the simplest directions?
So, once and for all, grease yourself with peanut oil and stand in the middle of your village singing show tunes. Then, we will know you are ready! Aurelius would like to hear Oklahoma, but I'm a fan of anything from Fiddler.
I have answered your questions in turn:
FULL NAME, Firewalker of the Generation of New Power
ADDRESS, currently on a space station outside the Red Nebula and eating French Fries.
OCCUPATION, Chief Medicine worker of the Generation of New Power
YOUR AGE, Are you meaning Earth years or standard universal time. True love knows not an age.
AND A COPY OF YOUR ID OR PICTURE, I have attached my picture. Britney Spears and Paris dressed and prepped me for it. I'm hot.
Let the festivities begin!
Yours always,
The Firewalker
---
Miss Rose responded with this:?
My Greetings to you today?
I thank you once again. I will also like to see you face to face, i am sorry for my late respond to your mail is because of electric power failure in the camp since yesterday but your laways in my mind no matter distance between us .i thank you for all the informations and your handsome pistures you sent to me it shows me you are a caring and faithful man and trusthworthy.i always thank God for our meeting and is the will of God that we will meet each other i pray soon we will be together and depart no more .I like you very much and i want you to know that before i contact you is the will of God that me and you to know each other and you are the type of man i am looking forward to share my life with like as a blood brother. Darling this is the true story , please i will like you to see me as your younger one .I have not told anyone except you about the existence of this money and i will like you to please keep it secret to other people because since it is (MONEY) all eyes will be on it and am using the church computer to write you now, Remember i trust you as my love and that is why i am giving you all this information. My trust is for you and for you alone, I will like to hear your voice please, just call me on (00226-78-417-512).you can call me and ask me any question you want, i have informed the bank about my plans to claim this money and the only thing they told me is to look for a foreign partner who will stand on my behalf due to my refugee status and the laws of this country. You will have 30% of the total money helping me and the remaining money you will help me managed in any business of our choice there in your country.
In this regards i will like you to contact the bank immediately with this information, tell them that you are my foreign partner and that you want to know the possibilities of assisting me transfer my $ 7.3 Million US Dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin to my late fathers account in African Development Bnak Burkina Faso West Africa, I am also with some of my late father’s document the statement of account and also the death certrificate which I will also forward to you once you apply to the bank for the relesae and transfer of this fund to your receiving bank account in your country.
The contact information of the bank is as follows,
AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC.
ATTN: DR. KARIM KOFI
THE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIRECTOR
AFRICA DEVELOPMENT BANK (A.D.B)
01 BP 1319 OUAGADOUGOU 01
770. AV. DE
Email / (development_adbbf32@hotmail.fr )
Tel Fax +226 50420047.
Sir,
AN APPLICATION FOR THE RE-POSSESSING OF THE ESTATE OF LATE MR.KIPKALYA KONES.
Sir
My Name is………………From………………I am the foreign partner of Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones who is in the refugee camp Burkina Faso.
Sir, I will like to know the procedure for transferring the money deposited by her late father with your bank which she is the next of kin to the account, please kindly get back to me with all the procedures of transfrring the fund to my bank account in my country.
Your reply is urgently needed.
This is the (Deposit Account Number BLAB745008901546/QB/91/A.) the name on the account holder is Dr. Kipkalya Kones,
Yours faithfully.
……………………..
Contact them now on how to transfer the $ 7.3 Million US Dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin. I have mapped out 30% for your assistance and 5% for any expenses that might come up in this transfer.
My dear i am glad that God has brought you to see me out from this situation and i promise to be kind and will equally need you in every area of my life plus investing this money since i am still too young to manage it. persently i am in the camp and is just like a prison and my prayers are to move out from here as soon as possible. Please make sure that you contact the bank so that after the transfer you can send some money from the money for me to prepare my travelling documents to meet with you in your country. for a better life, darling please try to contact the bank immediately you receive this mail i have already informed the bank about you and i hope there waiting for your mail all my thought and my dream is to meet you soon in China my situation here is very difficult and don't forget to update me once you receive a respond from the bank try to update me as i already informed you in my previous mail that i have some of my late father's daocuments the STATEMENT OF ACCOUNT and DEATH CERTIFICATE of my late father immediately you receive a respond from the bank don't forget to inform me so we will know the next step to follow i want everything to work out fast so i will come over to China for a better life with you waiting for your kind respond
Have a wonderful day.
Awaiting to hear from you soonest!.
Yours forever. Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones
---
And, my final Re-spam to Miss Rose:
Dearest Miss Rose,
Martini night finds us well as we drink the Gin of our ancestors and harvest the love and bounty of the french fry trees. What a glorious universe we live in. I had forgotten. Sometimes, it's good to get off world for a while.
My emails to you are met with resistance. Can you not read the passion in them? Do you not feel the love and spark of this traveler so far away?
You keep insisting I call these parties that are foreign to me. I will not. For, I feel you are using me somehow. All of the sorcery and crafts of energy can not bring you to me without your honesty, without your trust.
We have discussed this matter in committee and have decided to not pursue your offer. You are far too time consuming and cannot follow directions. Senor Banana has contacted the bank and we will remove the money without your assistance.
Aurelius, at the time of this writing, should be in your town and about to make the extraction of funds. He is accompanied by a highly trained squad of miniature goats and a ferret named Pete.
Screw not with Pete. He is a pistolero and is cranky. He used to own a pool hall in Nevada called, "Pete's Balls." It went out of business during this which is now referred to throughout the galaxy as, "The George Bush Recession."
Once the funds are secured, we will buy Beano, and donuts, and pillows made of fluff. I'm buying a banana hammock! A speedo I say. I will frolic through the sunset of worlds you've never heard of and sow the seeds of revelry, like a Christopher Columbus, except fabulous.
Sad though you've made me, I must move on with my parasol and fan and swinging male merchandise, never to be known by you again. I must turn the page of this chapter of my existence and get back to what's really important, the socialized burrito and the strip mines of the planet of the Laughing Cow. That damn cow!!!! How dare he make such cute little cheeses??? Individually wrapped to spite me, coated in wax and trifling. I know, deep in the mines, cheese flows freely!!!! Why must he interfere? We will stop him, fear not. The French will rejoice!
Good luck to you my lovely. And, farewell. You have been my delight.
Yours,
The Firewalker, liberator of cheese
She did contact me again but I didn't respond....
From: miss09rose@msn.com
Subject: Hello!!!
Hello!!!
MY Name is Miss. Rose I am 25 years old searching for a real friend that is trustworthy loving and caring .A friend who understand the real meaning of relationship as a trust in each other a mature man or woman that will be faithful to me and will understand that a real friendship does not count distance or colour after going through your contact on google search I took in interest on you so please i will like you to reply to me urgently so i will tell you more about my self and also send you my pictures, i will also like you to reply me back with my private email address below (misssamule01@sify.com)
Best Regard
Miss Rose
---
My Re-Spam to Miss Rose:
Hello Miss Rose,
You may call me the Firewalker. I am pleased to make your acquaintance. I understand the concept of real friendship. After all, I have been in communion with the Goats of Miniature Stature for many moons now. They have taught me much! It started with a mere interest in Canadian Bacon. But, that is a conversation for another time. And you, you must know of my history and of the sorcery performed at my hand. For only with this alchemy can the world truly heal.
Aurelius knows of your interest. I have advised him as such. What will you have of me? What service can be provided?
Distance is not important for we are prepared to teleport you here. Please cover your self in Crisco or another suitable vegetable oil to ease your progression through the Vortex. DO NOT USE SESAME OIL!!!!! It is far too flammable for such a voyage. If we were still on the planet Earth, and still taking intercontinentally, it would be more than sufficient. However, transfer to a dimension such as this requires something more. When we brought Paris Hilton, we used peanut oil. It worked swimmingly! However, the younger goats love peanuts and chased her around the temple as if she were a snack. She swears she will not ride the Vortex again but we all know she likes it. It's pink and smells like money and boys. But again, I digress.
Please let us know the details!
Light and love,
The Firewalker
---
Miss Roses' reply:
From: miss01rose@hotmail.fr
Subject: MORE ABOUT ME...................
Dearest In Heart Firewalker ,
I am good looking and caring ,I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart. My Name is Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones, 25yrs old female and I held from Kenya .
My father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya . The plane crashed on the Tuesday 10th, June,2008. You can read more about the crash through the below site:
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/06/10/kenya.crash/index.html
After the burial of my father, my stepmother Mrs,Biatrez and uncle conspired and sold my father's properties to an Italian Expertrate which the shared the money among themselves and live nothing for me.
One faithful morning, I opened my father's briefcase and found out the documents which he have deposited huge amount of money in one bank in Burkina Faso with my Name as the next of kin. I travelled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money for a better life so that I can take care of myself and start a new life, on my arrival, the Bank Director whom I met in person told me that my father's instruction to the bank is that the money would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee who will help me and invest the money overseas.
I am in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me and stand as my trustee so that I will present him to the Bank for transfer of the money to his bank account overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust. But rather take me as your own sister. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well I will say that my mind convinced me that you may be the true person to help me.
More so, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my stepmother has threatened to assonate me. The amount is( $7.3 USD )Million United State Dollars, and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso on my arrival, You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country. However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely.
Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it till i come over because I am afraid of my weaked stepmother who has threatened to kill me and have the money alone ,I thank God Today that am out from my country (KENYA) but am now In (Burkina Faso) where my father deposited these money and i have confirmed from the bank with the Documents i have at hand.
Sincerely yours,
Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones
---
Here is the pic Miss Rose sent me:
---
This is fun! Here's your Re-Spam:
To My Lovely Flower Miss Rose,
Caring and beautiful you are! Speak to me the words of lovers and free your self from the bonds of your sorrow for I am here! Know this, my Chocolate love. Come and melt upon me like Hershey goodness. Our love is a bond stronger than Fixodent.
We have already explained the progression of the teleportation to our current dimension of reality. We have also been very clear that presently we are off world. Are you interested in entering the vortex? Why have you stalled? We can not take you to America. Is a trip through the cosmos not sufficient to save you from your oppressors?
Today we began a project. We have decided to create the largest bean burrito that your universe has ever seen. It will be at least as big as Cleveland. The problem we encounter is flatulence. Can you imagine the amount of gas that would be released if everyone on the planet ate a bean burrito at once? I am worried, Aurelius of the Miniature Goats is worried, and Britney Spears is already farting. Are you getting this? It will cost a lot of money to provide everyone with BEANO!!!!! This is where you come in. You can help the suffering planet cut down on mass flatulance by paying for the Beano. After all, the ozone layer depends on it.
However, we foresee your contribution to be much more than 30%. What say you to this?
Your truest love,
Firewalker
PS.... When we wed, will I still be able to, "Date Around?" And, will you partake in the Sacred Spinach Ceremony?
PSS... Bring a swim suit.
---
I can't imagine why anyone would respond to this madness. But, she did.
From: miss01rose@hotmail.fr
Subject: So dear i need your informations.............
Dearest One ,
I have just received your email with lot's of excitement, because since when I sent the letter to you my heart has been over occupied with thoughts and fear if my situation will touch your heart to come for my rescue.
Firstly I am emailing you from the office of the Rev.Father in the refugees camp Christ De King Mission Camp, I told the Rev.Father Dennis about my communication with you and he permitted me to access my email in his office computer twice a day, Pls you can call me with the office number of the rev father +226 7832 6526 here in the refugees camp and ask of Ms.Rose Kipkalya Kones that stays in the female hostel room 12 when you will call me. life here in the Refugee camp is very difficult to me as we don’t have any good food here and no good water, i cannot eat three times a day.
I am really suffering here, it makes me cry each day and night when i look at my condition here, but i know that with you i will soon come out from this my present condition and have a new life with you there in your country, darling i am so excited to receive from you with the understanding, I have been in the bank for several times and i was informed by the Director of the bank Dr Karim Koffi that before this fund will be transferred i must have to present a trustee or a husband that will stand on my behalf before they can release the fund.
Darling I have already make up my mind to come over to your country since you have already decided to help me, even if you want me to come over before the transaction i will so much like it because i am suffering here, I pray that God will give you the courage and the heart to help me, remember to extend my greetings to your family.
About me: 1) I am Ms.Rose Kipkalya Kones 25 years old girl from (KENYA) my country, Concerning this transaction, I have the deposit certificate and the death registration certificate of my late, father which i have presented before the Bank manager and i am assuring you it is not going to bring any problem now or future you can as well call the Bank manager Dr Karim Koffi and confirmed from him too.
About my Education, darling I was admitted in the University in 2007 there I did my one year subject in accountancy before the Kenya crash in my country began, and i will like to continue as soon as i relocate to your country, because this is a promise i promise to my father, So dear i need your information which i will include in the letter of authorization so that you can send it to bank.
FULL NAME,
ADDRESS,
OCCUPATION,
YOUR AGE
AND A COPY OF YOUR ID OR PICTURE
I am waiting for this information so that i will send the letter to the bank, and pls remember that you should keep this only to yourself till the money has been transferred, I do not want anyone to know about it, you know that they are so many wicked people in the world, that they will see good thing coming to you and they will stop it, i am a living witness, so promise me that you will keep it to yourself so that the whole transfer will be OK. Don’t forget to send those information’s together with your picture to me in your next mail so that i will know who am trusting. Pls you can call me with the office number of the Rev Father Denies +226 78 41 75 12 here in the refugees camp and ask of Ms.Rose Kipkalya Kones that stays in the female hostel room 12 when you will call me, I wait your urgent mail with your information so that I will send you a letter for you to apply to the bank for the release and transfer of my late father’s deposit to your account.
Best regard.
Love always and forever and ever
Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones
---
So, I sent her this:
My luscious truffle,
Know that I've not forgotten you, even though it seems like a life time since my last communication. It's day 3 of universal burrito building, otherwise known as, "Socialized Burrito." We have taken taken up a temporary residence outside of the Red Nebula. The space station is amazing and is now under the direction of Senor Banana, Imperial Pontiff to the Intergalactic Fatherhood of Snazzy Pants. Lavish gardens fill the station and there are trees that grow french fries. French fries I say Miss Rose to you and your Chocolate loveliness! Although in your famished state, a tree growing french fries so many light years away is no consolation. Take heart, to your honor we drink the Merlot and prime the Vortex for your arrival, and play Scrabble.
Do you know what a French Fry is?
I can not call you by telephone. I am sorry. Senor Banana says the radiation from the stars is an interference to such signals. We can send email, as you can see, but phones are useless. Aurelius has suggested a mind to mind link. Aurelius can send a sort of telepathy from here to there. Do you have any miniature goats nearby? For they could receive his communications most readily.
Do you speak goat?
We must know, have you greased yourself with the oil?
Our instructions have been very clear. What kind of a wife will you make if you can't even follow the simplest directions?
So, once and for all, grease yourself with peanut oil and stand in the middle of your village singing show tunes. Then, we will know you are ready! Aurelius would like to hear Oklahoma, but I'm a fan of anything from Fiddler.
I have answered your questions in turn:
FULL NAME, Firewalker of the Generation of New Power
ADDRESS, currently on a space station outside the Red Nebula and eating French Fries.
OCCUPATION, Chief Medicine worker of the Generation of New Power
YOUR AGE, Are you meaning Earth years or standard universal time. True love knows not an age.
AND A COPY OF YOUR ID OR PICTURE, I have attached my picture. Britney Spears and Paris dressed and prepped me for it. I'm hot.
Let the festivities begin!
Yours always,
The Firewalker
---
Miss Rose responded with this:?
My Greetings to you today?
I thank you once again. I will also like to see you face to face, i am sorry for my late respond to your mail is because of electric power failure in the camp since yesterday but your laways in my mind no matter distance between us .i thank you for all the informations and your handsome pistures you sent to me it shows me you are a caring and faithful man and trusthworthy.i always thank God for our meeting and is the will of God that we will meet each other i pray soon we will be together and depart no more .I like you very much and i want you to know that before i contact you is the will of God that me and you to know each other and you are the type of man i am looking forward to share my life with like as a blood brother. Darling this is the true story , please i will like you to see me as your younger one .I have not told anyone except you about the existence of this money and i will like you to please keep it secret to other people because since it is (MONEY) all eyes will be on it and am using the church computer to write you now, Remember i trust you as my love and that is why i am giving you all this information. My trust is for you and for you alone, I will like to hear your voice please, just call me on (00226-78-417-512).you can call me and ask me any question you want, i have informed the bank about my plans to claim this money and the only thing they told me is to look for a foreign partner who will stand on my behalf due to my refugee status and the laws of this country. You will have 30% of the total money helping me and the remaining money you will help me managed in any business of our choice there in your country.
In this regards i will like you to contact the bank immediately with this information, tell them that you are my foreign partner and that you want to know the possibilities of assisting me transfer my $ 7.3 Million US Dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin to my late fathers account in African Development Bnak Burkina Faso West Africa, I am also with some of my late father’s document the statement of account and also the death certrificate which I will also forward to you once you apply to the bank for the relesae and transfer of this fund to your receiving bank account in your country.
The contact information of the bank is as follows,
AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC.
ATTN: DR. KARIM KOFI
THE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIRECTOR
AFRICA DEVELOPMENT BANK (A.D.B)
01 BP 1319 OUAGADOUGOU 01
770. AV. DE
Email / (development_adbbf32@hotmail.fr )
Tel Fax +226 50420047.
Sir,
AN APPLICATION FOR THE RE-POSSESSING OF THE ESTATE OF LATE MR.KIPKALYA KONES.
Sir
My Name is………………From………………I am the foreign partner of Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones who is in the refugee camp Burkina Faso.
Sir, I will like to know the procedure for transferring the money deposited by her late father with your bank which she is the next of kin to the account, please kindly get back to me with all the procedures of transfrring the fund to my bank account in my country.
Your reply is urgently needed.
This is the (Deposit Account Number BLAB745008901546/QB/91/A.) the name on the account holder is Dr. Kipkalya Kones,
Yours faithfully.
……………………..
Contact them now on how to transfer the $ 7.3 Million US Dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin. I have mapped out 30% for your assistance and 5% for any expenses that might come up in this transfer.
My dear i am glad that God has brought you to see me out from this situation and i promise to be kind and will equally need you in every area of my life plus investing this money since i am still too young to manage it. persently i am in the camp and is just like a prison and my prayers are to move out from here as soon as possible. Please make sure that you contact the bank so that after the transfer you can send some money from the money for me to prepare my travelling documents to meet with you in your country. for a better life, darling please try to contact the bank immediately you receive this mail i have already informed the bank about you and i hope there waiting for your mail all my thought and my dream is to meet you soon in China my situation here is very difficult and don't forget to update me once you receive a respond from the bank try to update me as i already informed you in my previous mail that i have some of my late father's daocuments the STATEMENT OF ACCOUNT and DEATH CERTIFICATE of my late father immediately you receive a respond from the bank don't forget to inform me so we will know the next step to follow i want everything to work out fast so i will come over to China for a better life with you waiting for your kind respond
Have a wonderful day.
Awaiting to hear from you soonest!.
Yours forever. Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones
---
And, my final Re-spam to Miss Rose:
Dearest Miss Rose,
Martini night finds us well as we drink the Gin of our ancestors and harvest the love and bounty of the french fry trees. What a glorious universe we live in. I had forgotten. Sometimes, it's good to get off world for a while.
My emails to you are met with resistance. Can you not read the passion in them? Do you not feel the love and spark of this traveler so far away?
You keep insisting I call these parties that are foreign to me. I will not. For, I feel you are using me somehow. All of the sorcery and crafts of energy can not bring you to me without your honesty, without your trust.
We have discussed this matter in committee and have decided to not pursue your offer. You are far too time consuming and cannot follow directions. Senor Banana has contacted the bank and we will remove the money without your assistance.
Aurelius, at the time of this writing, should be in your town and about to make the extraction of funds. He is accompanied by a highly trained squad of miniature goats and a ferret named Pete.
Screw not with Pete. He is a pistolero and is cranky. He used to own a pool hall in Nevada called, "Pete's Balls." It went out of business during this which is now referred to throughout the galaxy as, "The George Bush Recession."
Once the funds are secured, we will buy Beano, and donuts, and pillows made of fluff. I'm buying a banana hammock! A speedo I say. I will frolic through the sunset of worlds you've never heard of and sow the seeds of revelry, like a Christopher Columbus, except fabulous.
Sad though you've made me, I must move on with my parasol and fan and swinging male merchandise, never to be known by you again. I must turn the page of this chapter of my existence and get back to what's really important, the socialized burrito and the strip mines of the planet of the Laughing Cow. That damn cow!!!! How dare he make such cute little cheeses??? Individually wrapped to spite me, coated in wax and trifling. I know, deep in the mines, cheese flows freely!!!! Why must he interfere? We will stop him, fear not. The French will rejoice!
Good luck to you my lovely. And, farewell. You have been my delight.
Yours,
The Firewalker, liberator of cheese
She did contact me again but I didn't respond....
Thursday, September 17, 2009
More people looking for lessons. Well, Re-spam is educational.
Subject: LESSON TEACHER
From: helenkurth@gmail.com
Hello,
I'm Helen Kurth from France during my search for a Music lesson teacher that would always take my Daughter (Gloria) and I found your advert..Your advert looks great and it is very okay to me since you specialize in the area I'm seeking for her.
My Daughter would be coming to State this month for a period of time and with her friend for 4 Months.She is just 16yr Old and also a beginner, i want you to help me teach her lesson during her stay.
So, kindly let me know your charges,in order for me to arrange for her lessons fee before she travels down to your side.
I would also like to know if their is any Text Book you will recommend for her as a beginner so that she will be reading privately at home after the lesson during her stay.
I will be looking forward to read from you soonest.
Best Regards,
Mrs.Kurth
---
Yay! Here's your Re-spam my dear.
Hello Helen,
We are pleased to hear from you and know that you are reading from us soonest!
You are so very late to make our summer semester. It actually did start on the Solstice, as it does every year.
Our numbers have been record breaking. What can we say? We are blessed, in the field of light and love, to provide an education so valued by parents for their younglings.
France you say? There was once a book here that was very popular entitled, "French women don't get fat!" Imagine, a country who's claim to fame is women who do not gain weight. Aurelius of the miniature goats and I made our way immediately to France by way of the vortex to see what could be seen and to verify such a claim. For, if France had figured it out, to have the thin women, we had to know how.
We did find our answer and it was simple. Your food sucks. So, that's how you do it! No one wants to eat that. Hardly something we can market though. I could not find it in this heart of mine to market a class that said, " Lose weight by eating stuff that sucks!" No one would buy that. Well, maybe a shit head. Not just a shit head in a figurative sense. But, someone who's head is actually filled with feces. Aurelius has assured me that a person who's head was filled with feces could function in a very basic nature as long as they had a brain stem. So, a brain stem and some feces, is it so with you?
We look forward to meeting Gloria when she comes to our side and promise to get some decent food in her.
What then? What will you have for us in the way of dates, arrival times, etc?
Best Wishes,
The FireWalker
Sadly, there was no response. Rude!
Subject: LESSON TEACHER
From: helenkurth@gmail.com
Hello,
I'm Helen Kurth from France during my search for a Music lesson teacher that would always take my Daughter (Gloria) and I found your advert..Your advert looks great and it is very okay to me since you specialize in the area I'm seeking for her.
My Daughter would be coming to State this month for a period of time and with her friend for 4 Months.She is just 16yr Old and also a beginner, i want you to help me teach her lesson during her stay.
So, kindly let me know your charges,in order for me to arrange for her lessons fee before she travels down to your side.
I would also like to know if their is any Text Book you will recommend for her as a beginner so that she will be reading privately at home after the lesson during her stay.
I will be looking forward to read from you soonest.
Best Regards,
Mrs.Kurth
---
Yay! Here's your Re-spam my dear.
Hello Helen,
We are pleased to hear from you and know that you are reading from us soonest!
You are so very late to make our summer semester. It actually did start on the Solstice, as it does every year.
Our numbers have been record breaking. What can we say? We are blessed, in the field of light and love, to provide an education so valued by parents for their younglings.
France you say? There was once a book here that was very popular entitled, "French women don't get fat!" Imagine, a country who's claim to fame is women who do not gain weight. Aurelius of the miniature goats and I made our way immediately to France by way of the vortex to see what could be seen and to verify such a claim. For, if France had figured it out, to have the thin women, we had to know how.
We did find our answer and it was simple. Your food sucks. So, that's how you do it! No one wants to eat that. Hardly something we can market though. I could not find it in this heart of mine to market a class that said, " Lose weight by eating stuff that sucks!" No one would buy that. Well, maybe a shit head. Not just a shit head in a figurative sense. But, someone who's head is actually filled with feces. Aurelius has assured me that a person who's head was filled with feces could function in a very basic nature as long as they had a brain stem. So, a brain stem and some feces, is it so with you?
We look forward to meeting Gloria when she comes to our side and promise to get some decent food in her.
What then? What will you have for us in the way of dates, arrival times, etc?
Best Wishes,
The FireWalker
Sadly, there was no response. Rude!
Online Dating
Here is spam from someone trying to get a date. I'm not exactly sure of the scam. It was probably an invitation to a porn site of some sort. It continues the adventures of Firewalker and the Goats of Miniature Stature.
From: mabelho51@aol.com
Subject: Re:
youre really cute in your pics you should addme and hit me up on
windowslive messengar my name on its cute21girlie@hotmail.com cant wait to hear from
you soon xoxo
---
And, my response:
Hello,
Long have I awaited the moment when you would find me. Many nights spent alone and in the company of the miniature goats. Are you the one to join me in the tasks that this world permits? But also, to stay with me and be my love?
Arrangements are being made in the trans-dimensional vortex to support your journey.
A million miles would I travel for you. I have dispatched a legion of Smurfs to preparations. Hurried are their little blue bodies to welcome you to our home. The sacred spinach is on hold! Grope yourself! And, let me know of it!
But, there is the issue of trust. What shall you offer to me to prove your loyalty? Trust is often earned and not freely given. Surely, a woman such as yourself must know this. Dripping with the youth and browsing the internet in earnest are you.
No, too much is at stake to trust blindly, the tribal plans, the council. And, what of my needs? What of them?
I have had the consultations with Aurelius of the miniature goats. As he just returned from the interplanetary voyage, he has much greater insight. Returning with him is an alien life form whose name I'm told no human could pronounce. I have taken to calling him Senor Banana. He finds this agreeable enough. Senor Banana, Imperial Pontiff to the Intergalactic Fatherhood of Snazzy Pants demands you send a picture! We can go no further in negotiations until we have one.
After all, who could?
Peace and blessings,
The Firewalker
There was no response to the Re-spam.
From: mabelho51@aol.com
Subject: Re:
youre really cute in your pics you should addme and hit me up on
windowslive messengar my name on its cute21girlie@hotmail.com cant wait to hear from
you soon xoxo
---
And, my response:
Hello,
Long have I awaited the moment when you would find me. Many nights spent alone and in the company of the miniature goats. Are you the one to join me in the tasks that this world permits? But also, to stay with me and be my love?
Arrangements are being made in the trans-dimensional vortex to support your journey.
A million miles would I travel for you. I have dispatched a legion of Smurfs to preparations. Hurried are their little blue bodies to welcome you to our home. The sacred spinach is on hold! Grope yourself! And, let me know of it!
But, there is the issue of trust. What shall you offer to me to prove your loyalty? Trust is often earned and not freely given. Surely, a woman such as yourself must know this. Dripping with the youth and browsing the internet in earnest are you.
No, too much is at stake to trust blindly, the tribal plans, the council. And, what of my needs? What of them?
I have had the consultations with Aurelius of the miniature goats. As he just returned from the interplanetary voyage, he has much greater insight. Returning with him is an alien life form whose name I'm told no human could pronounce. I have taken to calling him Senor Banana. He finds this agreeable enough. Senor Banana, Imperial Pontiff to the Intergalactic Fatherhood of Snazzy Pants demands you send a picture! We can go no further in negotiations until we have one.
After all, who could?
Peace and blessings,
The Firewalker
There was no response to the Re-spam.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
They want to give me money?!?!
Hey! They want to give me money!!!!
From: nelson_m011@me.com
Subject: Please Read and Reply.
I am Mr. James Lynnwood our client died in air crash along with his family,(US$14.7M)left behind in our bank,nobody has put application for the claim. I am asking for your assistance since I have all the details for you to claim the Funds,if you are interested forward to me your names, cell, Phone/fax, profession,age and country and His Name is Dr. George Brumley. You can confirm
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/07/20/kenya.crash/index.html
Mr. James Lynnwood
---
Enjoy your Re-Spam.
Good day sir,
I am pleased to make your acquaintance. You may address me as Firewalker. We are grateful that you would select me as the recipient of the money. Long have we on this humble rock known that we would be provided for by the universe if only we held fast in our beliefs. Just the other day, as I, Aurelius of the miniature goats, and Paris Hilton were performing the sacred spinach ceremony, she purposed that we not only meditate on whether or not she should get breast implants and a new pair of Converse All-Stars, but how would we pay for them. Aurelius had suggested, in the traditions of the great religions, that we have a bake sale or pancake supper. I thought these were both amazing ideas for generating funds but I suppose accepting 14.7 million dollars from you works just as well.
Anyway, as far as your required information, I have answered in turn:
Name: The Firewalker of The New Power Generation
Cell Phone: We do not have one. They emit an energy that for some reason constipates me.
Fax: Eaten by the mighty Slor. Sorry!
Profession: Chief Medicine worker of the New Power Generation.
Age: Are we talking Earth years or standard universal time?
Country: USA= GOBama!
I'm sorry to hear of George Brumley's passing. Rest assured, when he is ready to cross over, we will expedite his trip to the next realm.
Hoping to hear from you soon! Oh, and Paris would like to offer you a burrito in gratitude. Let us know where to send it.
Sincerely yours,
The Firewalker.
There was no response from Mr. Lynnwood. We also received no funds.
From: nelson_m011@me.com
Subject: Please Read and Reply.
I am Mr. James Lynnwood our client died in air crash along with his family,(US$14.7M)left behind in our bank,nobody has put application for the claim. I am asking for your assistance since I have all the details for you to claim the Funds,if you are interested forward to me your names, cell, Phone/fax, profession,age and country and His Name is Dr. George Brumley. You can confirm
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/07/20/kenya.crash/index.html
Mr. James Lynnwood
---
Enjoy your Re-Spam.
Good day sir,
I am pleased to make your acquaintance. You may address me as Firewalker. We are grateful that you would select me as the recipient of the money. Long have we on this humble rock known that we would be provided for by the universe if only we held fast in our beliefs. Just the other day, as I, Aurelius of the miniature goats, and Paris Hilton were performing the sacred spinach ceremony, she purposed that we not only meditate on whether or not she should get breast implants and a new pair of Converse All-Stars, but how would we pay for them. Aurelius had suggested, in the traditions of the great religions, that we have a bake sale or pancake supper. I thought these were both amazing ideas for generating funds but I suppose accepting 14.7 million dollars from you works just as well.
Anyway, as far as your required information, I have answered in turn:
Name: The Firewalker of The New Power Generation
Cell Phone: We do not have one. They emit an energy that for some reason constipates me.
Fax: Eaten by the mighty Slor. Sorry!
Profession: Chief Medicine worker of the New Power Generation.
Age: Are we talking Earth years or standard universal time?
Country: USA= GOBama!
I'm sorry to hear of George Brumley's passing. Rest assured, when he is ready to cross over, we will expedite his trip to the next realm.
Hoping to hear from you soon! Oh, and Paris would like to offer you a burrito in gratitude. Let us know where to send it.
Sincerely yours,
The Firewalker.
There was no response from Mr. Lynnwood. We also received no funds.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Find True Love In Your Inbox!
Here's some spam I got the other day. For a moment, I thought I'd found my love.
From: sally@fullcircle-solutions.com
Subject: Looking for a fun loving man.
Hi, my dear friend
Love needs no map...And here are the people from different countries and from different places of the world. But I want to tell you that this does not prevent us to meet our love! http://super-to-love.com/62589/I am hoping to meet a person who is seriousabout a long term relationship. I am looking for a "life-partner". I am a little shy at first but once I open up to someone. I give everything I have when it comes to making things work. I am a casual person and laid back. I am not afraid to express my feelings and I am hoping to find someone who is the same.
Kiss-kiss
Yanni
---
And, my reply to sweet Yanni
My Dearest Yanni .
You lustful creature. Your email has touched me. My penis spans the distance between us. Open the front door!!!! Can you not hear it knocking? It's bold like an Eagle hunting prey yet stealthy like a snake, a serpent, it slithers. It's coming for you, breathless.
You are casual and laid back you say? I am too. But I'll work you like a day job and put in the overtime if need be. 110% effort, like the Germans. That's work ethic! I'm shy too. I take medication for it. It's called BOURBON and it makes people like me. Maybe you should try it just for fun. Maybe we could try it together.
Eh?
Kiss-Kiss
J
Sadly, Yanni never responded.
From: sally@fullcircle-solutions.com
Subject: Looking for a fun loving man.
Hi, my dear friend
Love needs no map...And here are the people from different countries and from different places of the world. But I want to tell you that this does not prevent us to meet our love! http://super-to-love.com/62589/I am hoping to meet a person who is seriousabout a long term relationship. I am looking for a "life-partner". I am a little shy at first but once I open up to someone. I give everything I have when it comes to making things work. I am a casual person and laid back. I am not afraid to express my feelings and I am hoping to find someone who is the same.
Kiss-kiss
Yanni
---
And, my reply to sweet Yanni
My Dearest Yanni .
You lustful creature. Your email has touched me. My penis spans the distance between us. Open the front door!!!! Can you not hear it knocking? It's bold like an Eagle hunting prey yet stealthy like a snake, a serpent, it slithers. It's coming for you, breathless.
You are casual and laid back you say? I am too. But I'll work you like a day job and put in the overtime if need be. 110% effort, like the Germans. That's work ethic! I'm shy too. I take medication for it. It's called BOURBON and it makes people like me. Maybe you should try it just for fun. Maybe we could try it together.
Eh?
Kiss-Kiss
J
Sadly, Yanni never responded.
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