Mrs. Bagwell

Sassy Mrs. Bagwell wants to help me get my funds from The United Nations. She had no idea, The Firewalker is no victim. Here is what we are working with:


From: compensation@blumail.org
Subject: RE: IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL SCAMMED VICTIMS (UNITED NATIONS PROGRAM)


Dear Friend,

I am Mrs. Sarah Bagwell. I am a US citizen and i am 64 years Old. I reside in Dripping Springs, Texas and I am one of those that took part in the United Nations Compensation program in United Kingdom many years ago and they refused to pay me. I had paid over $21,500 while in the US, trying to get my payment but all was to no avail.So I decided to travel down to United Kingdom with all my compensation documents and I was directed to meet Justice Musa Williams,who is the member of DEBT RECONCILIATION COMMITTEE,and i contacted him and he explained everything to me.

He said who ever is contacting us through emails are fake. He also took me to the paying bank (PERMATA BANK PLC In UK) for the claim of my compensation payment.Right now, i am the happiest woman on earth because I have received my compensation funds of 700,000.00(Seven Hundred Thousand Great Britain Pounds) more over,Justice Musa Williams showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and i saw your email as one of
the beneficiaries who have not yet received the payment under CASE FILE 54AC003 and that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people. They are not with your fund, they are only making money off you.

Therefore.When you reply to this email i will lead you to contact an Attorney that will lead you through receiving your fund.

UNITED NATIONS COMPENSATION AWARD PROGRAM.

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your fund is with them because it is not with them.They are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing.

The only money i would have paid after i met Barrister Musa Williams was if i had been unable to come down to United Kingdom to handle the legal rights myself, which is only normal and legitimate as it is in all foreign transactions in the world. So please take note of that. Mr Musa Williams shall ensure that you deal directly with the bank(UNITED PERMATA BANK PLC In UK).

Once again stop contacting those people. I advise that you contact Barrister Musa Williams so that he can help you in the collection of your transfer payment instead of dealing with those liars that will be turning you around asking for different kind of money to complete your transaction.

Thank you and be blessed.

Mrs. Sarah Bagwell

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Of course, I had to reply to this nonsense.

Dearest Mrs. Bagwell,

I am overjoyed to have received your email, so full of lust and tenacity. To have gone to such great lengths to retrieve your money, a flight over the seas, is most admirable. People are often fake are they not? Fake like a breast in Los Angeles or fake like the cheese that Papa John puts on that pizza. Better ingredients they say? I say not. I prefer Pizza Hut but everyone knows they are loaded with MSG. I could crap out my colon and gift wrap it for you to solidify our friendship. How would that be? It's red with blue racing stripes and if you shake it it plays, "Jessie's Girl." Please let me know the details of your arrangements.

Sincerely,

The Firewalker

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Apparently, Mrs. Bagwell was quite taken with the idea of a musical colon. She gave this response:

Dear,

Firstly i will like to thank you for responding back to my email and also i will want you to understand that i know how you feel, i have also been a scammed victim before and i do understand how it feels for someone to lost all he/she has. been gone through your email, you need to be aware that you will not have been contacted if your name did not appear as a scammed victim in our database but here now you have received a notification for you to come and receive your compensation funds from the United Nations.

My friend,in this world there are alot of bad people and if you do give them a chance they will let you loose all you have laboured for but sometimes in our life we need to let the past go so that the present can bring something good to our future. as a scam victim too, i will not have secured this opportunity if i did not let go of what have happened to me,now here i am working with the United Nations and i have also received my own compensation before i was called to come and work with them.i hope my explanation is clear to you. i will like you to get back to me and let me know if you are ready to received your compensation fund yet or not. have a very nice weekend.

Thanks
Mrs. Sarah Bagwell

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It was a busy week, I didn't get to respond to my new friend, Mrs. Bagwell fast enough. She sent this email to see what I was up to:


Dear,

How are you doing today.i hope you are alright.i write to you this minute to find out if you are still interested in receiving your compensation fund as instructed by the United Nations Committee.i request a quick response from you to know if you are still interested to receive your compensation fund or not because this program is about to end within next week.i anxiously wait to receive your response.

Thanks
Mrs. Sarah Bagwell

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So, now her persistence and lack of capitalization have me really excited. I sent this back to her:

Mrs. Bagwell,


Excitement rips through me like Viagra at Christmas! I feel sparkly, and twinkly, and strong. Maybe you can wear the Santa hat, naughty. You send me your emails full of audacity and charm, sass and spunk. My pole salutes your candor! It is maximized. The kitchen is hot during the holidays, hot from baking cookies, hot like you.

I think I will take your advice and visit the UK. But, I''m thinking not the present day as we know it. There are worm holes in outer space that can not only take us from one point in the universe to another, but other points in time. The most thing intriguing is, I don't believe I would be stuck within the context of my own lifeline. I'm thinking I could visit any point in the history of the universe!

This all goes with what you're saying. We do have to let the past be the past, but what if we could visit it, change it? Like the time I ate 43 Chilitos at Taco Bell, regrettable. The gas was enough to power a starship and the goats of miniature stature enacted laws banning Chilitos in several galaxies.

Such monies as you offer we once had when the economy was good. The Intergalactic George Bush recession is still wrapping it's slimy fingers around us, and not in the way Rush Limbaugh would like.

To be honest, we were doing ok. Our space station outside the Red Nebula likes us well. The french fry trees, the green women in bikinis, and William Shatner up to his usual tricks if you know what I mean! You do Mrs Bagwell, in your naughty cookie kitchen. We had placed our usual order for provisions to be delivered as we do every cycle. They have not arrived. This could mean only one thing, space pirates! We believe them to be led by Dick Cheney, who after raping so much of the Earth, has moved off world.

So, in short, I am ready to receive my compensation!

What must be done?

Sincerely yours,
The Firewalker
Chief Medicine Worker of The Generation of New Power and devotee to the timeless infinite Guru known as William Shatner.


I got no further responses from Mrs. Bagwell. Farewell, my love. :(