Here's some spam I got the other day. For a moment, I thought I'd found my love.
From: sally@fullcircle-solutions.com
Subject: Looking for a fun loving man.
Hi, my dear friend
Love needs no map...And here are the people from different countries and from different places of the world. But I want to tell you that this does not prevent us to meet our love! http://super-to-love.com/62589/I am hoping to meet a person who is seriousabout a long term relationship. I am looking for a "life-partner". I am a little shy at first but once I open up to someone. I give everything I have when it comes to making things work. I am a casual person and laid back. I am not afraid to express my feelings and I am hoping to find someone who is the same.
Kiss-kiss
Yanni
---
And, my reply to sweet Yanni
My Dearest Yanni .
You lustful creature. Your email has touched me. My penis spans the distance between us. Open the front door!!!! Can you not hear it knocking? It's bold like an Eagle hunting prey yet stealthy like a snake, a serpent, it slithers. It's coming for you, breathless.
You are casual and laid back you say? I am too. But I'll work you like a day job and put in the overtime if need be. 110% effort, like the Germans. That's work ethic! I'm shy too. I take medication for it. It's called BOURBON and it makes people like me. Maybe you should try it just for fun. Maybe we could try it together.
Eh?
Kiss-Kiss
J
Sadly, Yanni never responded.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Online Diplomas....
Who knew it was so easy to get a degree????
From: Connie Dougherty (macarthuri08@jensboesche.com)
Subject: Get your diploma immediately.
GET YOUR DIPLOMA TODAY! If you are looking for a fast and cheap way to get a diploma, this is the best way out for you. Choose the desired field and degree and call us right now Bachelors, Masters or even a Doctorate. For US: 1.845.709.8044Outside US: +1.845.709.8044 "Just leave your NAME & PHONE NO. (with
CountryCode)" in the voicemail. Our staff will get back to you in next few days!
----
And my, reply:
Hi,
Holy crap! I was just saying to myself how much I'd like a diploma. Just the other day, whilst I was talking to Paris Hilton, she said diplomas are hot!!!!
Can you believe that?
So, send me one. I'd like a diploma in astro-mega-physics. It's important that we colonize other worlds and I think I'm the one to do it. Long have I sensed that life held a certain greatness for me....
I envision a world where people and vegetables can live in harmony. You can learn a lot from a banana you know. Oh, but Connie, you already know that don't you? You know all about the bananas. Remember the nights in Oregon? The moon was so full and I didn't think it could get any brighter. But you, smiled at me. You smiled and said, "Baby, pass me the banana."
Wow, if that banana could only tell stories. What would it say?
You and I know. But, to the world, a word of judgment. Yet, it was tenderness. I know it was. I can't forget it. And, from the tone of your email, you can not either.
But, a banana is really a fruit isn't it? What's a plantain anyway? Is it like a banana? It kind of looks like one. I could take one on my voyage with me. Maybe, more than one. We could start a plantain ranch on the moon. That would get those silly republicans wouldn't it? All of them. The Rush guy too, with his pills and his devil tongue, spinning lies and knowing our purposes.
Ok, let's do it!
Send the diploma.
-J
There was no response.
From: Connie Dougherty (macarthuri08@jensboesche.com)
Subject: Get your diploma immediately.
GET YOUR DIPLOMA TODAY! If you are looking for a fast and cheap way to get a diploma, this is the best way out for you. Choose the desired field and degree and call us right now Bachelors, Masters or even a Doctorate. For US: 1.845.709.8044Outside US: +1.845.709.8044 "Just leave your NAME & PHONE NO. (with
CountryCode)" in the voicemail. Our staff will get back to you in next few days!
----
And my, reply:
Hi,
Holy crap! I was just saying to myself how much I'd like a diploma. Just the other day, whilst I was talking to Paris Hilton, she said diplomas are hot!!!!
Can you believe that?
So, send me one. I'd like a diploma in astro-mega-physics. It's important that we colonize other worlds and I think I'm the one to do it. Long have I sensed that life held a certain greatness for me....
I envision a world where people and vegetables can live in harmony. You can learn a lot from a banana you know. Oh, but Connie, you already know that don't you? You know all about the bananas. Remember the nights in Oregon? The moon was so full and I didn't think it could get any brighter. But you, smiled at me. You smiled and said, "Baby, pass me the banana."
Wow, if that banana could only tell stories. What would it say?
You and I know. But, to the world, a word of judgment. Yet, it was tenderness. I know it was. I can't forget it. And, from the tone of your email, you can not either.
But, a banana is really a fruit isn't it? What's a plantain anyway? Is it like a banana? It kind of looks like one. I could take one on my voyage with me. Maybe, more than one. We could start a plantain ranch on the moon. That would get those silly republicans wouldn't it? All of them. The Rush guy too, with his pills and his devil tongue, spinning lies and knowing our purposes.
Ok, let's do it!
Send the diploma.
-J
There was no response.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sarah Palin Teaching Classes?
Yet another lesson email. Who do they think I am?
From: grangemorrison@yahoo.com
Subject: Lesson Teacher...
Hello,
This is Mr Bruce contacting you from UK.During my search for a lesson teacher that would always take my Daughter (Betty),I found your advert.Your advert looks great and it is very okay to me since you specialize in the area I'm seeking for her..
My Daughter would be coming to the state this coming month for a period of time and with her friend for 4 Months.She is just 16yr Old and also a beginner, i want you to help me teach lesson during her stay.
So, kindly let me know your charges,in order for me to arrange for her lessons fee before she travels down to your side.
I would also like to know if their is any Text Book you will recommend for her as a beginner so that she will be reading privately at home after the lesson during her stay.
I will be looking forward to read from you soonest.
Best Regards,
Mr Morrison
----
Now, some Re-Spam for Mr Morrison
Good Day Sir,
We are pleased to hear from you even as the mist of despair and apathy returns to our planet. Most of the hopes of our yesterdays have perished. Would we have done better to sow the seeds of hypocrisy, to act as such, to be in a way contrary to our beliefs? I have not the answer.
But, you in your wisdom have requested the knowledge of our sorcery for your youngling. And in this, we take great pride and are flattered by you. For it is in your wisdom and in the graces of those like you that the young can learn.
It is of course our honor to plan for your youngling, our summer programs to begin as in years past on the solstice.
We are again blessed to have many great guest instructors and enrichment programs.
Most notably, former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin will offer, "How to go on living when everything you believed in was a lie."
Also, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton will co-present, "You'll never be as hot as me but don't shoot yourself."
Surely, these classes are one of a kind.
As always, be sure that you stock your youngling with plenty of Twizzlers to ease the nausea of any transdimensional excursions we may take as field trips. Last year, several younglings, "lost their sh*t in the vortex".
We've not a text book to recommend as most of our info is written on tea leaves. It's best to bring a good microscope.
As far as payment, Aurelius and some of the other goats of miniature stature recently departed to colonize the planet G5. It was a heart breaking day. More for me than anyone else as I'm addicted to Aurelius' french toast. Alas, some more goats would be good. Also, there are those here who would be very receptive to bottle of Corazon. And, Brazil nuts. But, not the kind that are rough, only the smooth texture ones.
Oh, and Britney would like a happy meal. Don't forget the toy!
Yours in light,
The Firewalker.
Note: there was no reply from Mr Morrison
From: grangemorrison@yahoo.com
Subject: Lesson Teacher...
Hello,
This is Mr Bruce contacting you from UK.During my search for a lesson teacher that would always take my Daughter (Betty),I found your advert.Your advert looks great and it is very okay to me since you specialize in the area I'm seeking for her..
My Daughter would be coming to the state this coming month for a period of time and with her friend for 4 Months.She is just 16yr Old and also a beginner, i want you to help me teach lesson during her stay.
So, kindly let me know your charges,in order for me to arrange for her lessons fee before she travels down to your side.
I would also like to know if their is any Text Book you will recommend for her as a beginner so that she will be reading privately at home after the lesson during her stay.
I will be looking forward to read from you soonest.
Best Regards,
Mr Morrison
----
Now, some Re-Spam for Mr Morrison
Good Day Sir,
We are pleased to hear from you even as the mist of despair and apathy returns to our planet. Most of the hopes of our yesterdays have perished. Would we have done better to sow the seeds of hypocrisy, to act as such, to be in a way contrary to our beliefs? I have not the answer.
But, you in your wisdom have requested the knowledge of our sorcery for your youngling. And in this, we take great pride and are flattered by you. For it is in your wisdom and in the graces of those like you that the young can learn.
It is of course our honor to plan for your youngling, our summer programs to begin as in years past on the solstice.
We are again blessed to have many great guest instructors and enrichment programs.
Most notably, former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin will offer, "How to go on living when everything you believed in was a lie."
Also, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton will co-present, "You'll never be as hot as me but don't shoot yourself."
Surely, these classes are one of a kind.
As always, be sure that you stock your youngling with plenty of Twizzlers to ease the nausea of any transdimensional excursions we may take as field trips. Last year, several younglings, "lost their sh*t in the vortex".
We've not a text book to recommend as most of our info is written on tea leaves. It's best to bring a good microscope.
As far as payment, Aurelius and some of the other goats of miniature stature recently departed to colonize the planet G5. It was a heart breaking day. More for me than anyone else as I'm addicted to Aurelius' french toast. Alas, some more goats would be good. Also, there are those here who would be very receptive to bottle of Corazon. And, Brazil nuts. But, not the kind that are rough, only the smooth texture ones.
Oh, and Britney would like a happy meal. Don't forget the toy!
Yours in light,
The Firewalker.
Note: there was no reply from Mr Morrison
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Penis Pills
Everyone gets ads for the erection pills.... But, what are they talking about?
From: thomaeugehatceel@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: hi
Good point. But I do remember that he fired because of a grou
Cialis 1. 90 Viagra 1. 1
importance. He came slowly towards me and I found myself trembling with fear.cozened. Follow your wandering tachyon.thousand years. For our inspiration I have had the music department atspear moved to indicate a spot behind me. A ruse? Who knew, who cared
-----
My Re-Spam to them:
Thomas,
To be fired because of a grou is the least of my worries.
When he came slowly toward you, what did he say? Was it mere words or perhaps the wandering tachyon that you mention? They cannot slow down to subluminal speeds, even if tachyons were conventional. I prefer peperoni. But, sometimes it gives me heartburn. How much Viagra would I have to take to stretch my penis to the equator? These are my thoughts. How far is the equator from me?
There was no rely to this.
From: thomaeugehatceel@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: hi
Good point. But I do remember that he fired because of a grou
Cialis 1. 90 Viagra 1. 1
importance. He came slowly towards me and I found myself trembling with fear.cozened. Follow your wandering tachyon.thousand years. For our inspiration I have had the music department atspear moved to indicate a spot behind me. A ruse? Who knew, who cared
-----
My Re-Spam to them:
Thomas,
To be fired because of a grou is the least of my worries.
When he came slowly toward you, what did he say? Was it mere words or perhaps the wandering tachyon that you mention? They cannot slow down to subluminal speeds, even if tachyons were conventional. I prefer peperoni. But, sometimes it gives me heartburn. How much Viagra would I have to take to stretch my penis to the equator? These are my thoughts. How far is the equator from me?
There was no rely to this.
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