More people looking for lessons. Well, Re-spam is educational.
Subject: LESSON TEACHER
From: helenkurth@gmail.com
Hello,
I'm Helen Kurth from France during my search for a Music lesson teacher that would always take my Daughter (Gloria) and I found your advert..Your advert looks great and it is very okay to me since you specialize in the area I'm seeking for her.
My Daughter would be coming to State this month for a period of time and with her friend for 4 Months.She is just 16yr Old and also a beginner, i want you to help me teach her lesson during her stay.
So, kindly let me know your charges,in order for me to arrange for her lessons fee before she travels down to your side.
I would also like to know if their is any Text Book you will recommend for her as a beginner so that she will be reading privately at home after the lesson during her stay.
I will be looking forward to read from you soonest.
Best Regards,
Mrs.Kurth
---
Yay! Here's your Re-spam my dear.
Hello Helen,
We are pleased to hear from you and know that you are reading from us soonest!
You are so very late to make our summer semester. It actually did start on the Solstice, as it does every year.
Our numbers have been record breaking. What can we say? We are blessed, in the field of light and love, to provide an education so valued by parents for their younglings.
France you say? There was once a book here that was very popular entitled, "French women don't get fat!" Imagine, a country who's claim to fame is women who do not gain weight. Aurelius of the miniature goats and I made our way immediately to France by way of the vortex to see what could be seen and to verify such a claim. For, if France had figured it out, to have the thin women, we had to know how.
We did find our answer and it was simple. Your food sucks. So, that's how you do it! No one wants to eat that. Hardly something we can market though. I could not find it in this heart of mine to market a class that said, " Lose weight by eating stuff that sucks!" No one would buy that. Well, maybe a shit head. Not just a shit head in a figurative sense. But, someone who's head is actually filled with feces. Aurelius has assured me that a person who's head was filled with feces could function in a very basic nature as long as they had a brain stem. So, a brain stem and some feces, is it so with you?
We look forward to meeting Gloria when she comes to our side and promise to get some decent food in her.
What then? What will you have for us in the way of dates, arrival times, etc?
Best Wishes,
The FireWalker
Sadly, there was no response. Rude!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Online Dating
Here is spam from someone trying to get a date. I'm not exactly sure of the scam. It was probably an invitation to a porn site of some sort. It continues the adventures of Firewalker and the Goats of Miniature Stature.
From: mabelho51@aol.com
Subject: Re:
youre really cute in your pics you should addme and hit me up on
windowslive messengar my name on its cute21girlie@hotmail.com cant wait to hear from
you soon xoxo
---
And, my response:
Hello,
Long have I awaited the moment when you would find me. Many nights spent alone and in the company of the miniature goats. Are you the one to join me in the tasks that this world permits? But also, to stay with me and be my love?
Arrangements are being made in the trans-dimensional vortex to support your journey.
A million miles would I travel for you. I have dispatched a legion of Smurfs to preparations. Hurried are their little blue bodies to welcome you to our home. The sacred spinach is on hold! Grope yourself! And, let me know of it!
But, there is the issue of trust. What shall you offer to me to prove your loyalty? Trust is often earned and not freely given. Surely, a woman such as yourself must know this. Dripping with the youth and browsing the internet in earnest are you.
No, too much is at stake to trust blindly, the tribal plans, the council. And, what of my needs? What of them?
I have had the consultations with Aurelius of the miniature goats. As he just returned from the interplanetary voyage, he has much greater insight. Returning with him is an alien life form whose name I'm told no human could pronounce. I have taken to calling him Senor Banana. He finds this agreeable enough. Senor Banana, Imperial Pontiff to the Intergalactic Fatherhood of Snazzy Pants demands you send a picture! We can go no further in negotiations until we have one.
After all, who could?
Peace and blessings,
The Firewalker
There was no response to the Re-spam.
From: mabelho51@aol.com
Subject: Re:
youre really cute in your pics you should addme and hit me up on
windowslive messengar my name on its cute21girlie@hotmail.com cant wait to hear from
you soon xoxo
---
And, my response:
Hello,
Long have I awaited the moment when you would find me. Many nights spent alone and in the company of the miniature goats. Are you the one to join me in the tasks that this world permits? But also, to stay with me and be my love?
Arrangements are being made in the trans-dimensional vortex to support your journey.
A million miles would I travel for you. I have dispatched a legion of Smurfs to preparations. Hurried are their little blue bodies to welcome you to our home. The sacred spinach is on hold! Grope yourself! And, let me know of it!
But, there is the issue of trust. What shall you offer to me to prove your loyalty? Trust is often earned and not freely given. Surely, a woman such as yourself must know this. Dripping with the youth and browsing the internet in earnest are you.
No, too much is at stake to trust blindly, the tribal plans, the council. And, what of my needs? What of them?
I have had the consultations with Aurelius of the miniature goats. As he just returned from the interplanetary voyage, he has much greater insight. Returning with him is an alien life form whose name I'm told no human could pronounce. I have taken to calling him Senor Banana. He finds this agreeable enough. Senor Banana, Imperial Pontiff to the Intergalactic Fatherhood of Snazzy Pants demands you send a picture! We can go no further in negotiations until we have one.
After all, who could?
Peace and blessings,
The Firewalker
There was no response to the Re-spam.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
They want to give me money?!?!
Hey! They want to give me money!!!!
From: nelson_m011@me.com
Subject: Please Read and Reply.
I am Mr. James Lynnwood our client died in air crash along with his family,(US$14.7M)left behind in our bank,nobody has put application for the claim. I am asking for your assistance since I have all the details for you to claim the Funds,if you are interested forward to me your names, cell, Phone/fax, profession,age and country and His Name is Dr. George Brumley. You can confirm
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/07/20/kenya.crash/index.html
Mr. James Lynnwood
---
Enjoy your Re-Spam.
Good day sir,
I am pleased to make your acquaintance. You may address me as Firewalker. We are grateful that you would select me as the recipient of the money. Long have we on this humble rock known that we would be provided for by the universe if only we held fast in our beliefs. Just the other day, as I, Aurelius of the miniature goats, and Paris Hilton were performing the sacred spinach ceremony, she purposed that we not only meditate on whether or not she should get breast implants and a new pair of Converse All-Stars, but how would we pay for them. Aurelius had suggested, in the traditions of the great religions, that we have a bake sale or pancake supper. I thought these were both amazing ideas for generating funds but I suppose accepting 14.7 million dollars from you works just as well.
Anyway, as far as your required information, I have answered in turn:
Name: The Firewalker of The New Power Generation
Cell Phone: We do not have one. They emit an energy that for some reason constipates me.
Fax: Eaten by the mighty Slor. Sorry!
Profession: Chief Medicine worker of the New Power Generation.
Age: Are we talking Earth years or standard universal time?
Country: USA= GOBama!
I'm sorry to hear of George Brumley's passing. Rest assured, when he is ready to cross over, we will expedite his trip to the next realm.
Hoping to hear from you soon! Oh, and Paris would like to offer you a burrito in gratitude. Let us know where to send it.
Sincerely yours,
The Firewalker.
There was no response from Mr. Lynnwood. We also received no funds.
From: nelson_m011@me.com
Subject: Please Read and Reply.
I am Mr. James Lynnwood our client died in air crash along with his family,(US$14.7M)left behind in our bank,nobody has put application for the claim. I am asking for your assistance since I have all the details for you to claim the Funds,if you are interested forward to me your names, cell, Phone/fax, profession,age and country and His Name is Dr. George Brumley. You can confirm
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/07/20/kenya.crash/index.html
Mr. James Lynnwood
---
Enjoy your Re-Spam.
Good day sir,
I am pleased to make your acquaintance. You may address me as Firewalker. We are grateful that you would select me as the recipient of the money. Long have we on this humble rock known that we would be provided for by the universe if only we held fast in our beliefs. Just the other day, as I, Aurelius of the miniature goats, and Paris Hilton were performing the sacred spinach ceremony, she purposed that we not only meditate on whether or not she should get breast implants and a new pair of Converse All-Stars, but how would we pay for them. Aurelius had suggested, in the traditions of the great religions, that we have a bake sale or pancake supper. I thought these were both amazing ideas for generating funds but I suppose accepting 14.7 million dollars from you works just as well.
Anyway, as far as your required information, I have answered in turn:
Name: The Firewalker of The New Power Generation
Cell Phone: We do not have one. They emit an energy that for some reason constipates me.
Fax: Eaten by the mighty Slor. Sorry!
Profession: Chief Medicine worker of the New Power Generation.
Age: Are we talking Earth years or standard universal time?
Country: USA= GOBama!
I'm sorry to hear of George Brumley's passing. Rest assured, when he is ready to cross over, we will expedite his trip to the next realm.
Hoping to hear from you soon! Oh, and Paris would like to offer you a burrito in gratitude. Let us know where to send it.
Sincerely yours,
The Firewalker.
There was no response from Mr. Lynnwood. We also received no funds.
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