From: miss09rose@msn.com
Subject: Hello!!!
Hello!!!
MY Name is Miss. Rose I am 25 years old searching for a real friend that is trustworthy loving and caring .A friend who understand the real meaning of relationship as a trust in each other a mature man or woman that will be faithful to me and will understand that a real friendship does not count distance or colour after going through your contact on google search I took in interest on you so please i will like you to reply to me urgently so i will tell you more about my self and also send you my pictures, i will also like you to reply me back with my private email address below (misssamule01@sify.com)
Best Regard
Miss Rose
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My Re-Spam to Miss Rose:
Hello Miss Rose,
You may call me the Firewalker. I am pleased to make your acquaintance. I understand the concept of real friendship. After all, I have been in communion with the Goats of Miniature Stature for many moons now. They have taught me much! It started with a mere interest in Canadian Bacon. But, that is a conversation for another time. And you, you must know of my history and of the sorcery performed at my hand. For only with this alchemy can the world truly heal.
Aurelius knows of your interest. I have advised him as such. What will you have of me? What service can be provided?
Distance is not important for we are prepared to teleport you here. Please cover your self in Crisco or another suitable vegetable oil to ease your progression through the Vortex. DO NOT USE SESAME OIL!!!!! It is far too flammable for such a voyage. If we were still on the planet Earth, and still taking intercontinentally, it would be more than sufficient. However, transfer to a dimension such as this requires something more. When we brought Paris Hilton, we used peanut oil. It worked swimmingly! However, the younger goats love peanuts and chased her around the temple as if she were a snack. She swears she will not ride the Vortex again but we all know she likes it. It's pink and smells like money and boys. But again, I digress.
Please let us know the details!
Light and love,
The Firewalker
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Miss Roses' reply:
From: miss01rose@hotmail.fr
Subject: MORE ABOUT ME...................
Dearest In Heart Firewalker ,
I am good looking and caring ,I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart. My Name is Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones, 25yrs old female and I held from Kenya .
My father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya . The plane crashed on the Tuesday 10th, June,2008. You can read more about the crash through the below site:
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/06/10/kenya.crash/index.html
After the burial of my father, my stepmother Mrs,Biatrez and uncle conspired and sold my father's properties to an Italian Expertrate which the shared the money among themselves and live nothing for me.
One faithful morning, I opened my father's briefcase and found out the documents which he have deposited huge amount of money in one bank in Burkina Faso with my Name as the next of kin. I travelled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money for a better life so that I can take care of myself and start a new life, on my arrival, the Bank Director whom I met in person told me that my father's instruction to the bank is that the money would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee who will help me and invest the money overseas.
I am in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me and stand as my trustee so that I will present him to the Bank for transfer of the money to his bank account overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust. But rather take me as your own sister. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well I will say that my mind convinced me that you may be the true person to help me.
More so, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my stepmother has threatened to assonate me. The amount is( $7.3 USD )Million United State Dollars, and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso on my arrival, You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country. However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely.
Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it till i come over because I am afraid of my weaked stepmother who has threatened to kill me and have the money alone ,I thank God Today that am out from my country (KENYA) but am now In (Burkina Faso) where my father deposited these money and i have confirmed from the bank with the Documents i have at hand.
Sincerely yours,
Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones
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Here is the pic Miss Rose sent me:
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This is fun! Here's your Re-Spam:
To My Lovely Flower Miss Rose,
Caring and beautiful you are! Speak to me the words of lovers and free your self from the bonds of your sorrow for I am here! Know this, my Chocolate love. Come and melt upon me like Hershey goodness. Our love is a bond stronger than Fixodent.
We have already explained the progression of the teleportation to our current dimension of reality. We have also been very clear that presently we are off world. Are you interested in entering the vortex? Why have you stalled? We can not take you to America. Is a trip through the cosmos not sufficient to save you from your oppressors?
Today we began a project. We have decided to create the largest bean burrito that your universe has ever seen. It will be at least as big as Cleveland. The problem we encounter is flatulence. Can you imagine the amount of gas that would be released if everyone on the planet ate a bean burrito at once? I am worried, Aurelius of the Miniature Goats is worried, and Britney Spears is already farting. Are you getting this? It will cost a lot of money to provide everyone with BEANO!!!!! This is where you come in. You can help the suffering planet cut down on mass flatulance by paying for the Beano. After all, the ozone layer depends on it.
However, we foresee your contribution to be much more than 30%. What say you to this?
Your truest love,
Firewalker
PS.... When we wed, will I still be able to, "Date Around?" And, will you partake in the Sacred Spinach Ceremony?
PSS... Bring a swim suit.
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I can't imagine why anyone would respond to this madness. But, she did.
From: miss01rose@hotmail.fr
Subject: So dear i need your informations.............
Dearest One ,
I have just received your email with lot's of excitement, because since when I sent the letter to you my heart has been over occupied with thoughts and fear if my situation will touch your heart to come for my rescue.
Firstly I am emailing you from the office of the Rev.Father in the refugees camp Christ De King Mission Camp, I told the Rev.Father Dennis about my communication with you and he permitted me to access my email in his office computer twice a day, Pls you can call me with the office number of the rev father +226 7832 6526 here in the refugees camp and ask of Ms.Rose Kipkalya Kones that stays in the female hostel room 12 when you will call me. life here in the Refugee camp is very difficult to me as we don’t have any good food here and no good water, i cannot eat three times a day.
I am really suffering here, it makes me cry each day and night when i look at my condition here, but i know that with you i will soon come out from this my present condition and have a new life with you there in your country, darling i am so excited to receive from you with the understanding, I have been in the bank for several times and i was informed by the Director of the bank Dr Karim Koffi that before this fund will be transferred i must have to present a trustee or a husband that will stand on my behalf before they can release the fund.
Darling I have already make up my mind to come over to your country since you have already decided to help me, even if you want me to come over before the transaction i will so much like it because i am suffering here, I pray that God will give you the courage and the heart to help me, remember to extend my greetings to your family.
About me: 1) I am Ms.Rose Kipkalya Kones 25 years old girl from (KENYA) my country, Concerning this transaction, I have the deposit certificate and the death registration certificate of my late, father which i have presented before the Bank manager and i am assuring you it is not going to bring any problem now or future you can as well call the Bank manager Dr Karim Koffi and confirmed from him too.
About my Education, darling I was admitted in the University in 2007 there I did my one year subject in accountancy before the Kenya crash in my country began, and i will like to continue as soon as i relocate to your country, because this is a promise i promise to my father, So dear i need your information which i will include in the letter of authorization so that you can send it to bank.
FULL NAME,
ADDRESS,
OCCUPATION,
YOUR AGE
AND A COPY OF YOUR ID OR PICTURE
I am waiting for this information so that i will send the letter to the bank, and pls remember that you should keep this only to yourself till the money has been transferred, I do not want anyone to know about it, you know that they are so many wicked people in the world, that they will see good thing coming to you and they will stop it, i am a living witness, so promise me that you will keep it to yourself so that the whole transfer will be OK. Don’t forget to send those information’s together with your picture to me in your next mail so that i will know who am trusting. Pls you can call me with the office number of the Rev Father Denies +226 78 41 75 12 here in the refugees camp and ask of Ms.Rose Kipkalya Kones that stays in the female hostel room 12 when you will call me, I wait your urgent mail with your information so that I will send you a letter for you to apply to the bank for the release and transfer of my late father’s deposit to your account.
Best regard.
Love always and forever and ever
Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones
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So, I sent her this:
My luscious truffle,
Know that I've not forgotten you, even though it seems like a life time since my last communication. It's day 3 of universal burrito building, otherwise known as, "Socialized Burrito." We have taken taken up a temporary residence outside of the Red Nebula. The space station is amazing and is now under the direction of Senor Banana, Imperial Pontiff to the Intergalactic Fatherhood of Snazzy Pants. Lavish gardens fill the station and there are trees that grow french fries. French fries I say Miss Rose to you and your Chocolate loveliness! Although in your famished state, a tree growing french fries so many light years away is no consolation. Take heart, to your honor we drink the Merlot and prime the Vortex for your arrival, and play Scrabble.
Do you know what a French Fry is?
I can not call you by telephone. I am sorry. Senor Banana says the radiation from the stars is an interference to such signals. We can send email, as you can see, but phones are useless. Aurelius has suggested a mind to mind link. Aurelius can send a sort of telepathy from here to there. Do you have any miniature goats nearby? For they could receive his communications most readily.
Do you speak goat?
We must know, have you greased yourself with the oil?
Our instructions have been very clear. What kind of a wife will you make if you can't even follow the simplest directions?
So, once and for all, grease yourself with peanut oil and stand in the middle of your village singing show tunes. Then, we will know you are ready! Aurelius would like to hear Oklahoma, but I'm a fan of anything from Fiddler.
I have answered your questions in turn:
FULL NAME, Firewalker of the Generation of New Power
ADDRESS, currently on a space station outside the Red Nebula and eating French Fries.
OCCUPATION, Chief Medicine worker of the Generation of New Power
YOUR AGE, Are you meaning Earth years or standard universal time. True love knows not an age.
AND A COPY OF YOUR ID OR PICTURE, I have attached my picture. Britney Spears and Paris dressed and prepped me for it. I'm hot.
Let the festivities begin!
Yours always,
The Firewalker
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Miss Rose responded with this:?
My Greetings to you today?
I thank you once again. I will also like to see you face to face, i am sorry for my late respond to your mail is because of electric power failure in the camp since yesterday but your laways in my mind no matter distance between us .i thank you for all the informations and your handsome pistures you sent to me it shows me you are a caring and faithful man and trusthworthy.i always thank God for our meeting and is the will of God that we will meet each other i pray soon we will be together and depart no more .I like you very much and i want you to know that before i contact you is the will of God that me and you to know each other and you are the type of man i am looking forward to share my life with like as a blood brother. Darling this is the true story , please i will like you to see me as your younger one .I have not told anyone except you about the existence of this money and i will like you to please keep it secret to other people because since it is (MONEY) all eyes will be on it and am using the church computer to write you now, Remember i trust you as my love and that is why i am giving you all this information. My trust is for you and for you alone, I will like to hear your voice please, just call me on (00226-78-417-512).you can call me and ask me any question you want, i have informed the bank about my plans to claim this money and the only thing they told me is to look for a foreign partner who will stand on my behalf due to my refugee status and the laws of this country. You will have 30% of the total money helping me and the remaining money you will help me managed in any business of our choice there in your country.
In this regards i will like you to contact the bank immediately with this information, tell them that you are my foreign partner and that you want to know the possibilities of assisting me transfer my $ 7.3 Million US Dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin to my late fathers account in African Development Bnak Burkina Faso West Africa, I am also with some of my late father’s document the statement of account and also the death certrificate which I will also forward to you once you apply to the bank for the relesae and transfer of this fund to your receiving bank account in your country.
The contact information of the bank is as follows,
AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC.
ATTN: DR. KARIM KOFI
THE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIRECTOR
AFRICA DEVELOPMENT BANK (A.D.B)
01 BP 1319 OUAGADOUGOU 01
770. AV. DE
Email / (development_adbbf32@hotmail.fr )
Tel Fax +226 50420047.
Sir,
AN APPLICATION FOR THE RE-POSSESSING OF THE ESTATE OF LATE MR.KIPKALYA KONES.
Sir
My Name is………………From………………I am the foreign partner of Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones who is in the refugee camp Burkina Faso.
Sir, I will like to know the procedure for transferring the money deposited by her late father with your bank which she is the next of kin to the account, please kindly get back to me with all the procedures of transfrring the fund to my bank account in my country.
Your reply is urgently needed.
This is the (Deposit Account Number BLAB745008901546/QB/91/A.) the name on the account holder is Dr. Kipkalya Kones,
Yours faithfully.
……………………..
Contact them now on how to transfer the $ 7.3 Million US Dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin. I have mapped out 30% for your assistance and 5% for any expenses that might come up in this transfer.
My dear i am glad that God has brought you to see me out from this situation and i promise to be kind and will equally need you in every area of my life plus investing this money since i am still too young to manage it. persently i am in the camp and is just like a prison and my prayers are to move out from here as soon as possible. Please make sure that you contact the bank so that after the transfer you can send some money from the money for me to prepare my travelling documents to meet with you in your country. for a better life, darling please try to contact the bank immediately you receive this mail i have already informed the bank about you and i hope there waiting for your mail all my thought and my dream is to meet you soon in China my situation here is very difficult and don't forget to update me once you receive a respond from the bank try to update me as i already informed you in my previous mail that i have some of my late father's daocuments the STATEMENT OF ACCOUNT and DEATH CERTIFICATE of my late father immediately you receive a respond from the bank don't forget to inform me so we will know the next step to follow i want everything to work out fast so i will come over to China for a better life with you waiting for your kind respond
Have a wonderful day.
Awaiting to hear from you soonest!.
Yours forever. Miss.Rose Kipkalya Kones
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And, my final Re-spam to Miss Rose:
Dearest Miss Rose,
Martini night finds us well as we drink the Gin of our ancestors and harvest the love and bounty of the french fry trees. What a glorious universe we live in. I had forgotten. Sometimes, it's good to get off world for a while.
My emails to you are met with resistance. Can you not read the passion in them? Do you not feel the love and spark of this traveler so far away?
You keep insisting I call these parties that are foreign to me. I will not. For, I feel you are using me somehow. All of the sorcery and crafts of energy can not bring you to me without your honesty, without your trust.
We have discussed this matter in committee and have decided to not pursue your offer. You are far too time consuming and cannot follow directions. Senor Banana has contacted the bank and we will remove the money without your assistance.
Aurelius, at the time of this writing, should be in your town and about to make the extraction of funds. He is accompanied by a highly trained squad of miniature goats and a ferret named Pete.
Screw not with Pete. He is a pistolero and is cranky. He used to own a pool hall in Nevada called, "Pete's Balls." It went out of business during this which is now referred to throughout the galaxy as, "The George Bush Recession."
Once the funds are secured, we will buy Beano, and donuts, and pillows made of fluff. I'm buying a banana hammock! A speedo I say. I will frolic through the sunset of worlds you've never heard of and sow the seeds of revelry, like a Christopher Columbus, except fabulous.
Sad though you've made me, I must move on with my parasol and fan and swinging male merchandise, never to be known by you again. I must turn the page of this chapter of my existence and get back to what's really important, the socialized burrito and the strip mines of the planet of the Laughing Cow. That damn cow!!!! How dare he make such cute little cheeses??? Individually wrapped to spite me, coated in wax and trifling. I know, deep in the mines, cheese flows freely!!!! Why must he interfere? We will stop him, fear not. The French will rejoice!
Good luck to you my lovely. And, farewell. You have been my delight.
Yours,
The Firewalker, liberator of cheese
She did contact me again but I didn't respond....
